My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
