can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We got so high we made milksteak
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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