and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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