Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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