twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
