Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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