At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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