don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize