We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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