she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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