she was so not down for the gang bang
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
