Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize