3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize