i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
