i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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