apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
