he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
