I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
