I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
