This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
