if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
