the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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