Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
