Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
