i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize