did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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