Welp...herpes.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
