Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
