Your dad touched me again.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize