I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
