How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
