And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
