This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
