Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
