I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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