The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
