My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Pants 0. Shit 1.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Boobs speak an international language.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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