There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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