grandma shit on top of the toilet
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You smell like stripper and shame
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
