apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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