I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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