So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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