Plan B is the new Plan A
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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