you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
ttyl tear gas
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize