So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
