I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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