no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
