Ambien. No doubt about it.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
