I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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