I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
