Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
