he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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