You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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