you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
