Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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