the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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