Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
