You just made me feel so damn special
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize