My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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