I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
