There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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