either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
