I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
