WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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