Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
