Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
