I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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