This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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