Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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