need another drink. this is the easiest way
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
