She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
