piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize