my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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